～てあげるTo do something for someone, As a favor for

Might sound patronizing and can be rude especially if used with elderly people!

Structure

Verb［て］+ あげる

Details

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Polite
Rare Kanji
上げる

About てあげる

When joining the conjunction particle て, with the る-Verbあげる (to give), it implies that someone is doing something for the benefit of someone else. Literally, this expression means 'to give/bestow the action of (A) upon (B)', but translates more naturally as 'to do (A) for (B)', or 'to do (A) as a favor for (B)'.

The receiver of the てあげる action will be marked with に, while the doer will be marked with が (if mentioned).

Caution

Unfortunately, てあげる can sound quite patronizing in modern Japanese, and should be avoided in situations where someone may take offence to having something done for them (for example, doing something for someone of higher status). This is primarily due to やる (a casual variation of 'to give') being phased out.

Fun Fact

Originally, やる was used when referring to giving water to plants, or feeding animals. However, some people started using あげる for these purposes as well, believing that it sounded 'nicer'. Historically, this actually achieved the opposite result, and some people began to think that あげる was insulting, as it was being used for plants/animals.

These days, てやる is almost never used, unless you have a very close relationship with someone and are using it jokingly.

Examples

--:--

母(はは)に花(はな)を買(か)ってあげた。

I bought flowers (as a favor) for my mother.

あそこのおばあさんを手伝(てつだ)ってあげましょうか。

Shall we give assistance to (as a favor for) that lady?

このプレゼントをお父(とう)さんに渡(わた)してあげてください。

Please hand over this present to your dad. (Give to)

ユカに消(け)しゴムを貸(か)してあげてください。

Please lend your eraser to Yuka. (For Yuka)

寂(さび)しそうにしているから、ハグしてあげましょう。

Because they look lonely let's give them a hug. (For them)

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- [DBJG] A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar
  Page 2 & 65
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  Page 34 & 74
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  Page 100
- Tae Kim's Japanese Grammar Guide
  Page 170
- みんなの日本語 I
  Page 152 [CH 24]
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てあげる – Grammar Discussion

Most Recent Replies (45 in total)

he77kat
So I also came here to ask, "if あげる might be considered rude by the elderly or someone of higher status, what is the most commonly-used alternative?". A different thread suggested that 差し上げる might be appropriate, but the nuance didn’t seem to match to me.

Is prompting with 〜ましょうか the best approach then?
Fuga
Hey there @he77kat !

差し上げる would be the best word to use to someone of a higher status! This will depend on the person on the receiving end and the situation, but adding ましょうか to てあげる could sound as patronizing as just using てあげる even though it sounds polite. てあげましょうか could be taken as rude because it kind of implies that you think that the person (of higher status) lacks the ability to do something, and could sound like you are being passive aggressive about their inability. However, by using て差し上げましょうか, it makes it sound like you are putting yourself below the person you are talking to.

I hope this clears it up!
casual
Sorry to once again bring up this topic that already has so many helpful comments.

Perhaps I’m missing a vital hint, but I think looking at this prompt it’s not clear if the speaker considers Tom “uchi” which would imply くれる, or “soto” which would imply あげる.